Amelia: Bedelia of the War
by Lord-Oppy
Summary: All Amelia wants to do is help out. But she keeps taking her orders literally! Will her talents help her out of the messes she gets in to? Inspired by the series by Peggy Parish.


_Disclaimer: If you like stories with respectability and credibility, leave. Frankly, I almost had to strangle myself for making this. If you feel the need to kill yourself after reading this, don't blame me. Keep flames to a minimum. If you don't know who Amelia Bedelia is, please use the addess in my homepage for a link, I couldn't post it in the fic, and I don't know how to change my bio. Oh, and I'm not bashing Amelia. It's just that she's Bedelia._

_Fire Emblem and all its characters belong to Nintendo and Intelligence Systems. Amelia Bedelia belongs to Peggy Parish._

**Book One: Amelia helps out around the camp.**

One day in Magvel, the Renais twins and their army were settling down after a heated skirmish with some monsters. Ephraim, deciding to pick on Amelia for today, assigned her to do the units duties. First, he wanted her to light some fires for making dinner. Then, he wanted her to shine his and Gilliams armor. Finally, he needed her to dust Moulder's and Knoll's robes. He then ran off to hit on Tana in front of Innes, and almost all of the units went to watch.

She decided to tackle them in order, starting with the fires. "I don't know why he wants me to do that..." She murmured, walking over to the convoy, taking out all the Fire tomes and setting them aflame. "Will we eat the ashes for dinner? Ah well, we'll see."

Then she moved on to the shining. "This may be a little tougher.." She said. "Arthur!" She yelled. He walked up to her.

"What is it you need?"

"Artur, can you use shine on Ephraim's armor?"

"Gladly, my dear." He used the attack, which left a few holes in the armor cause Artur is Teh 1337 and Ephy's res is Teh Suck.

"Oh dear. I hope that's what he wanted... It doesn't look very shiny to me..." Amelia said.

She directed Artur to Gilliam's armor, which asploded on the attack.

"Kthnxbai." She said to Artur, and he left, deciding to stalk Tethys.

"Now, on to the dusting!" She cried. She found the robes, and proceeded to sprinkle them with dust, sand, and antitoxin. "What an odd request..."

While she waited for everyone else to return, she decided to shoot her own porno, making good use of the supplies in the convoy; namely, lances. It was one of those spur of the moment things. She had cleaned up, gotten dressed, and had put everything away, just in time, too, as Ephraim ran toward Amelia, followed by Innes, beating him over the head with a stick, followed by Tana, whipping Innes in the back of the head with her oversized ponytail. When everyone had calmed down, which took a good 20 minutes, Ephraim said: "Well Amelia, show us what you did."

She pointed at the pile of ashes. "I lit some fires, like you asked." Ewan, a mere pupil, said: "NOOOOOO, how will I ever train now? Saleh, I have failed you. FAILED YOU!" He then jumped off a convieniently placed cliff.

"LMAO fatass nublet" said Lute.

Amelia said: "Oh dear. Well, I shined your armor, Ephraim and Gilliam... rather, Artur did." Gazing at the shrapnal of his beloved armor, Gilliam went ballistic. "You bitch!" He shrieked, slapping Artur hard across the cheek.

"Pwned." Said Marisa. The two slapped each other while Neimi wailed: "Now I can never get my supports with Gilliam! And he's so goddamned hot!" Colm raised an eyebrow.

After everyone had calmed down again, which took another 20 minutes, people were getting angry at Amelia's antics. "All I did was do what you asked..." She sobbed, pointing to the robes.

"Well, those look alright..." Said Moulder, trying on his robes. When he touched them, a huge dust cloud enveloped him. "Oh no... I'm allergic to dust... Ah... Ah... CHOO!" And his Carney-like mustache asploded, revealing a second mouth underneath. "Oh... Oh god..." the two mouths said in unison, and Moulder ran far, far away.

"AMELIA!" everyone shouted at her, drawing their weapons. "Ah... please don't... I have this..." She stammered, holding out the tape of her porno.

"What is this?" Eirika demanded, proud to finally have a speaking role in this shitty fanfic. "Knoll, can you summon a TV and a VCR?"

"A-Wha?" he replied. Eirika glared at him. "Oh... right... right..." Eirika popped the tape into the VCR, and everyone was astonished to see Amelia's nude, luscious, sweet body. Her legs were-- _Record scratching._ (Sorry guys, but this is a humor fic only, too bad for you Ameila fanboys/perverts).

"What the hell is she doing touching my Seigmund!" Ephraim yelled, the first to break the trance. He was about to hit Amelia, but his eyes averted back to the screen when he noticed exactly what she was doing with the sacred weapon of Renais.

"This is... unspeakable... dishonorable..." he said weakly. "...Excuse me" he said quickly, running behind a tree. All the guys ran after him to their own trees. Vanessa managed to sneak off quietly too.

"If one of you touches her while we're gone, I'll own your faces with a Killing Edge." Joshua addressed all the women, before leaving himself. But they were happy, because, for once, they didn't have to do stuff to the men tonight, who would be content.

After everyone converged, they all said in unison: "What would we do without you, Amelia?"

Artur mumbled: "I couldn't do it... finish..." and everyone laughed at him.

Marcus yelled: "Haha! Your wang is smaller than my period of usefulness in FE7!" Then he died for being an Exp. whore.

The End.


End file.
